I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
