I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
