Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
