I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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