stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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