Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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