did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we're making bets on your personal life
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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