So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
