If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think i peed on brittanys purse
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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