i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
