I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
