i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
