I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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