This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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