Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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