ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Houston, we have a squirter
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize