Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
