he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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