***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
