yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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