Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
