1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
