I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Only a mothe r could love this liver
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
