I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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