so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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