gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just invented taco cereal.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
