I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
