We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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