there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
