I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
