it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
