Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
