I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
