Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
