Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
