Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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