I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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