Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
