Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
