Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
