somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
