I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
