Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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