You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
