: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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