Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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