I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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