I will die if light touches me.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
