This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
