they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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