I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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