Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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