Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
