There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
