My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
