Just mADE A PArabola og urine
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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