she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
