while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize