dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
