Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
