it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
