hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She announced her abortion via fbk
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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