You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
