so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
