so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
