The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
