i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
