This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just had sex bonerless
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize