I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I see more hoeing in ur future
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