you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
