either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
