as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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