Please don't use social media to get back at me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
