Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
