I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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