i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
