Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
