Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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