cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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