I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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