I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize