yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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