your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
