you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
