You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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