We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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