I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
3pm strippers are depressing
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Oh god it's open bar.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
